The Dialect Division

Jordan Smith writes in with his Dialect Division – dividing the USA based on American dialects and native languages. Jordan is the first proposal that includes a demonym for each new nation – the name for the inhabitants.  Great job!

Capital: Neutrala
Demonym: Correctican

The USA fell apart in 2012, when the people in the center of the country got fed up with ‘all those weirdos with accents’. Claiming to be the only place in the country with ‘a neutral accent’ and ‘textbook English’, cities from Nebraska to Pennsylvania joined together. As their new nation, was a long, diverse country they were rather stumped on a name for some time, until finally an english teacher suggested “Correctica” – since they had joined together to avoid those horrible accents. The Correcticans resolved to build a new capital, Neutrala since ‘all those cities tend to have weird accents too’.

The United States of the Allanic Ayshun
Capital: Balmer, hon.
Demonym: Allanic

Offended by the Correcticans, proud speakers of the Merlin Dialect broke away to preserve their speech from those mean Correctican transplants. They concluded that they spoke a new language, Merlinese, and adopted a new spelling system. Thus they created the ‘Nited Cannies of Chest Peak which spanned from northern Ann Runeel Canny to Balmer Canny. Philidelphia joined, and South Jersey, Norhtern Delaware, and New York City soon after, forming the U.S. of the Allanic Ayshun. However, the four states were unsure if their accents were really similar enough, and concluded that their new nation was multilingual.

The Glorious Union of The North
Capital: Chicago
Demonym: Northerner

With the United States nearly cut in half with the Correctican Rebellion, the Northerners, especially those around the great lakes, figured they should have a country too. They had always thought of themselves as good speakers of English, but the Correcticans wouldn’t have them. Thus the Northerners formed a great nation: “The Union of the North” from Eastern Montana to the tip of Maine – that was until the new President of the North visited Boston. Horrified, he promptly kicked everyone with a New England accent out of the country, and added the word Glorious to the nation’s title, just to show the Correcticans and New Englanders the North was better.

New England
Capital: Boston
Demonym: Yankee, New Englander

The New Englanders weren’t too upset about being kicked out of the North. It wasn’t like they really liked those guys anyways, and their accents were so boring. They formed a little country, crushed a French Maine rebellion, and called it a day. Currently the New Englanders are pushing Rhode Island and New York City to join in, but they have made no sign of switching sides.

Capital: Charleston
Demonym: Kudzuniac

The southerners had been waiting for an opportunity to make a new nation since the civil war, and happily formed a new nation from everyone who ‘spoke southron’. The creation of the new southern nation went smoothly except in Florida and West Texas, which were excluded for not being southron enough. The southerners designated Charleston as their capital, after all which city had a more southern accent and better sweet tea than Charleston?

When they had to think of a name, one southerner joked “How about Kudzunia? We got more Kudzu here than people.” The name stuck.

The Lonely Republic of Florida
Capital: Tampa
Demonym: Floridan

Despite Tampa flying the world’s largest rebel flag, the Kudzuniacs didn’t seem to want most of Florida in their country. Sadly, the Floridans named themselves ‘The Lonely Republic of Florida’ to express their woes. At least they had Disney World, and some places in the Caribbean joined them.

Capital: Salt Lake City
Demonym: Occidents

The West Coast saw what was going on in the inferior east coast, and quickly formed its own nation in response. Calling itself ‘The Best Coast’ it soon realized that those folks in the rockies spoke Best Coastan too. The rest of the West soon joined in, but all the other states were a bit unhappy with the name “Best Coast”. A latin professor suggested Occidentia, and the new name was an instant success, with it’s citizens calling themselves Occidents.

It seemed that the islands and many places in Alaska spoke Occident too, so they added them as ‘colonies’.

Capital: Tseghahoodzani
Demonym: Navahopi

Finally free of American control, the Navajo and Hopi banded together to form a new nation. However, the Occidents were very upset at losing the famous Four Corners and refused to recognize Navahopi as a separate nation.

Capital: Aniak
Demonym: Inuit

With much of Alaska joining Occidentia as a colony, the native dominated regions instead opted for independence. Luckily for the Inuit, the Occidents didn’t seem to mind. The Inuit currently consider joining Canada or getting the canadian north to join them.